


Silence Inside Your Nebula

by vagrantBreath



Series: Shattered [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blind Character, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-09-28 04:45:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10072460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagrantBreath/pseuds/vagrantBreath
Summary: The hardest part of recovery not coming to grips with what happened, but having the strength to move forward every day.Thace and Keith need that strength.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New part of Shattered! Let's get a glimpse inside Thace and Keith's heads as they try to heal from their own trauma, yeah?

He dreamt of pain.

But for some reason, it was a good dream. He could feel fingers entwined with his own as his muscles ached. They had ached... for a good reason. A happy one. Lips were on his, too soft to be real. He knew it was a dream, but he indulged anyway. It felt like it had been after a good spar, when his muscles screamed for a quiet moment. But at the same time, he reached around, picking up his partner and pushing them against the wall, hearing the gasp reach his ears as he felt arms around his neck.

But it hadn’t ever been like that. It had been the other way around, and sensation blurred. Now his back was against the wall, lips against his throat as his partner hungrily kissed and nipped at it. This was right. This was how it was. Thace sighed in his dream, tilting his head-

Only for the tilt to become real, snapping him awake. He opened his eyes on instinct, reaching out to touch Keith.

Nothing. He felt some heat, residual, weak, but- he was alone.

Thace sat up, taking a slow breath. Keith was a Paladin. Most likely he was training. Or perhaps eating. And there was an off chance he wasn’t completely alone. He held out his hand just above his knee. “Laz?”

Nothing. She was with Keith.

His heart picked up slightly at that. Had he actually woken up? There was no way for him to tell without his sight if he was truly where he thought he was. Was he in the Castle of Lions, or had that been a dream itself? Was this now the waking world, and he was alone?

No. He was Galra. He would not be taken in by such foolish thoughts. Thace shook his head, standing. He could shower and dress by touch - everything had been set up so they could do that - and they had put Thace close enough to the most used rooms that he would not need to learn routes too far from where he needed to go. It was... most gracious of them.

He felt his claws dig into the palms of his hands, and he forced himself to relax. They were being gracious hosts by allowing him to stay. They could have easily killed him, considering he was Galra and he would not be able to fight back. Not blind. He would be able to make a fool of himself, but he would not win.

But they did not do such a thing. They allowed him to stay, and even worked with his weakness.

Thace closed his useless eyes.

It was odd. Such a weakness... and yet they allowed him to live. What use could he be to them? What could he possibly give Keith that he allowed him to stay?

Thace reached out, feeling for the bed, and sitting again. They were questions he would ask himself and never have answers for. He didn’t... he didn’t know. He didn’t know why Keith even allowed him near after he was taken for trying to rescue Thace.

He sighed. These were useless thoughts. He would need to stand and clean himself, stand and get ready to eat. A Galra would not allow himself to be consumed by thoughts like this. He had been a soldier! Would he really let himself fall like this? No.

The shower was as strange as it ever was, but effective. His ears always rang slightly after, though, with the frequency they used for their sonic showers. It had been interesting finding out that setting, considering how Keith cleaned up with water... Getting dressed was simple, and it was now time to eat what slop the Alteans considered food. He shouldn’t complain; it was far more appetizing than what he had eaten as a cadet.

Slowly, Thace started out of the room, hand feeling for the wall. He heard the door open well before he knew he had gotten there, and he tensed.

”Oh, Thace.” Keith. “You’re awake.” He heard Keith come closer, but not quite touch him. “I just got done training with everyone. Let me take a shower and we’ll go eat together.”

He had been at training. A knot released in Thace’s stomach. He had not been abandoned. “Of course, Keith.” He reached out for Keith, and had his hand caught by Keith’s, squeezed once, and let go.

”Give me five, and I’ll be right out,” Keith promised, and left.

Experimentally, Thace held his hand out again. Was he alone? Did Keith leave him alone? “Laz?”

He felt a head bump his hand. “Thace.”

The knot uncurled further as he smiled, rubbing her ears. “How’d he do today?”

”Good.” Her voice was proud.

He wished he could have seen it.

  


* * *

  


Thace woke with a start. That dream... it had been about when they took his eyes. Agony, the realization he would never see again, the realization if he wasn’t about to be dead for being a traitor, he would be killed for being useless...

He reached out for Keith, only to feel the still warm spot in the bed. Thace groped at the spot, his heart in his throat. No, no, he had to be here. Where was he? “Laz,” he whispered. “Laz, where are you? Where’s Keith? Laz?”

She wasn’t there either.

He was alone. He had been left alone.

They had left him. They had realized he was worthless and left him.

Thace scrambled out of bed, falling as his legs tangled in the sheets. He heard the door open, and felt hands on his shoulders. Thace knocked them away, growling. They would have to take him fighting. He wouldn’t-

”It’s just me.” Keith. “I was on a walk with Laz. I’m here. I’m back. It’s okay.”

His words... Thace panted, leaning awkwardly against Keith. He felt Laz nudging him slightly, whining. “Heh. I fear I may have forgotten where I was,” he lied. He didn’t want... he didn’t want Keith knowing the truth. The nightmare, his true fear. “Can you untangle me?”

”Of course.” Keith let go of him long enough to help pull the sheets free from his legs. “You going to be okay?”

He would have to be. He was, after all, Galra. Whatever was thrown at him, he would take it. And when they finally realized he was useless and they would dispose of him, he would take it like a Galra.

”Yes.” Thace tilted his head up towards Keith. “Thank you.”

After a moment, Keith kissed him, a brief press of lips. “Let’s get back to bed,” he whispered.

Thace nodded, and after a moment of Keith shifting the covers back into place, the two slid back into bed. He heard the clack of Laz’s claws against the floor as she went to her pillow, and then things went still, quiet.

He noticed Keith tensed as he reached out to hold him.

”Goodnight,” Thace whispered.

”Goodnight.”


	2. Chapter 2

At the worst times, Keith could feel Zarkon’s boot on his back, forcing him down, to submit. He felt the words bubbling to his lips, forgiveness for transgressions he hadn’t made. He wasn’t a pet anymore. What happened... he shouldn’t feel worried if Zarkon wanted to punish him. He wasn’t Zarkon’s _pet_.

But as he laid against the ground, unable to hear Shiro’s concerned voice as he didn’t rise to continue sparring, all he could feel was Zarkon’s boot on his back.

Slowly, the feeling passed, and Keith took a deep breath, feeling it shake in his chest. “I’m fine,” he rasped out. He must have been crying, he reasoned. That’s why his throat hurt so much. “I’m fine now.”

He heard Shiro settle back as he slowly sat up. Keith met Shiro’s eyes, nodding at him, trying to dispel the worried look. “I’m fine,” he repeated, a little stronger this time. “It’s okay now.”

”Flashbacks are a bitch, aren’t they?” Shiro asked, sympathetically, and Keith snorted.

”Yeah, you’d understand,” Keith muttered. He rubbed his arms, sighing. “I thought I was passed it. I was okay after I left Zarkon. Thace and I are...” Keith shook his head, looking away.

”Keith.” Shiro leaned forward slightly. “You and Thace are...?”

”Happy. We’re happy.” The words didn’t want to come out. Of course they were happy. It was hard for them, of course. Bad things had happened to them both. But together, they were happy. He was happy with Thace.

Shiro sighed, and Keith looked up at him again. It didn’t look like Shiro was placated by that at all. “A lot happened to both of you,” he told him gently. “It’s okay if you two are having any sort of problems in any areas of your relationship.”

”Like you and Lance?” Keith bit out, seeing a confused look cross Shiro’s face.

”Lance and I aren’t together. We haven’t even attempted a relationship. He’s not interested in trying any new relationships with men after what happened with his last boyfriend. I don’t know what you’re trying to refer to.”

Keith snorted. Of course Shiro would be blind to how much of a crush Lance had on him. “Nevermind.” He closed his eyes, sighing. Shiro would really... not get it. He’d get that Keith had given in to being a pet since he had given in to being a gladiator to stay alive. But he wouldn’t get that... every time he felt Thace touch him, he felt Zarkon’s touch.

He wouldn’t get that even Laz, her gentle presence, made him sometimes feel Zarkon’s heat next to him.

Keith stood, stretching. “I’m going to go shower,” he told Shiro as he stood as well.

Shiro nodded. “You did good today,” he told him. “Go, spend some time with Thace.”

He smiled a little, nodding back. Laz was spending the day with Thace, her leg hurting her too much today to move. Keith didn’t like letting her rest like that, not making her move, but he saw how it hurt her just to stand, and yeah, today was a bad day. He’d have to have her soak in a tub for a bit and massage her leg.When he returned to the room, Thace was laying down in bed, his hand reaching down to stroke Laz’s ears. It made Keith smile. “Hey,” he whispered, kneeling next to the bed. “I’m back.”

”Mm. I can smell that,” Thace said playfully, turning his head towards him. “Did you train well today?”

”I did.” He wasn’t going to tell Thace about the flashback he had to when Zarkon forced him to submit. He didn’t need to hear that. Keith forced himself not to flinch when Thace reached out to touched him, fumbling a bit with his shoulder before finding his face. He couldn’t quite relax into the touch though, unable to completely wipe Zarkon’s memory with Thace’s touch. “I’m going to go shower now.”

Thace smiled, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “I will be here.”

He didn’t deserve him. Not after purposely deciding to be a pet again. Keith hesitated, looking down at Thace. He should kiss him... slowly, he leaned down, giving him a little kiss before pulling away quickly, standing.

Not after what happened. Not after deciding less pain was to be a pet again. It wasn’t even to survive at that point. Zarkon was going to ensure his survival no matter what. At that point, it was not to be hurt. He didn’t deserve Thace when he gave up himself just not to be hurt.

Keith went to shower.

  


* * *

  


His tights were in tatters around his thighs, torn just enough that Zarkon could get at him. He was bent over, ass in the air, and there was pain, so much pain. But it was what he wanted. Keith gave in, letting it happen. It was pain that he had wanted, had let happen to him since he was a pet. He was-

Keith woke up, a scream on his lips.

It wasn’t a memory. Zarkon had never done that. He had always presented his rape as a reward for doing well. He had never forced Keith down, tearing his clothes just enough and forcing himself in. That was something he had told him, that he would have Keith come to him, even if his mind was telling him this wasn’t what he wanted at all.

Keith stood up, needing to get out of the room. He needed- he needed to be alone. To get away, away from anyone else. He was- he was- Thace shouldn’t be touching him, he wasn’t- Laz shouldn’t follow him, he-

He didn’t even make it one step towards the door before he felt sick. Instead of leaving, he rushed to the bathroom, bending over the toilet and vomiting.He felt disgusting.

No.

He was disgusting.

If anyone else knew what he had done, they would know just how disgusting he was.

The clack of claws behind him told him Laz was awake. He felt her sit beside him as he curled up next to the toilet, groaning. “Sick?” she asked quietly.

”Yeah,” he whispered. “I feel kind of out of it.”

She nuzzled his arm. “Feel better? Thace?”

He felt cold. Thace couldn’t make him feel better. He would make Thace feel bad, and that would make things worse. “It’ll be okay,” he told her. “I’ll be back in bed in a bit.”

Laz nuzzled him again before getting up and going back to her bed. Keith closed his eyes, feeling the urge to vomit rise again. He had managed to be okay with her laying on a pillow, so why couldn’t he be okay with-

He vomited again.

He didn’t deserve Thace. He didn’t deserve Laz.

He didn’t deserve to be a Paladin.

Not when he didn’t even managed to get the Red Bayard back.

When he was certain he was done vomiting, Keith brushed his teeth and went back to bed. Thace rolled over, patting his face until he could cup it gently. “You okay?” he asked.

Keith closed his eyes.

”Yeah,” he whispered.

Thace didn’t need to know.


	3. Chapter 3

”Don’t be like that.” Thace tried to track the voice with his head. Lance, the Paladin speaking, seemed to like moving. “Come on, Keith.”

He heard Keith sigh next to him. “I’m ‘not being like that,’” he said, his voice cross. “You have your own desserts. Let me have mine. And don’t you dare ask Thace for his!”

”I do not mind giving them up.” Thace reached out, feeling for the edge of his plate and pushing it out. “While I assume they’re delicious to a human palate, they’re a little too sweet for mine.”

”Awesome. Love ya.”

That was something interesting Lance had been doing, Thace noticed. He had been saying he loved the group more often since their talk. Perhaps as a result of realizing he felt quite a bit of familial love for his fellow Paladins. Why he also extended it to Thace was a mystery, however.

”Don’t overeat.” Shiro. Thace was... respectful of him. He had been the Champion, and now he was the leader of Voltron. Not one to be taken lightly. He did wish he could have squared off against Shiro at least once, before he was captured, to see how he fared against such a person. Now... it wasn’t to be.

Someone moved on the other side of him and Thace twitched. He hadn’t expected that. Who was next to him? On one side was Keith, but on the other... no one was there, were they? His hands started to search carefully for a weapon, he couldn’t be taken off guard-

One of his hands was held by a glove covered hand. “Hey Pidge,” Keith said, squeezing Thace’s hand. Of course it was Pidge. He had... lost track of where people were. Hunk was next to Lance. “Don’t let Lance steal your dessert too.”

”He can pry my dessert from my cold dead fingers.”

Lance sniffled, and Thace tried to imagine the face that came with it. Considering he didn’t know Lance’s actual face, it was very hard. Galra didn’t make that noise, usually. It was weakness. “I thought you loved me!”

Pidge snorted next to him. “I love Hunk’s cooking more.”

It was such a different... tone from even cadets talking in lunch halls, Thace considered. He had seen a certain level of casual talk from the new recruits when he had first joined, but this... But then again, he had joined the military knowing he was going to be a soldier. Thace squeezed Keith’s hand, remembering the look in his eyes when he had accused him of being a spy. They had never expected this, and never had the training for this.

He closed his eyes, squeezing Keith’s hand one last time before slowly starting to stand. “I will be back in the room,” he murmured, turning his head towards Keith.

”Okay.” He felt Keith stand as well. “Let me walk you back there.”

They both knew Thace could make the walk on his own, and had done it several times when he needed to know he was not alone and Keith was not there. Hearing it now... Thace did not respond as Keith took his arm. Instead, he allowed Keith to walk him out of the room.

At about where Thace would assume was the halfway mark, Keith spoke up. “It doesn’t bother you when Lance says that kind of stuff, does it?” He sounded worried, his fingers tightening on Thace’s arm.

”What is it you worry about?” Thace reached over, patting Keith’s hand.

”The... loving people thing. It doesn’t bother you that he says that kind of thing to you or... me, does it?”

Ah. From what Thace could tell, it was a loaded word in human culture. But he could tell it was there, from the deep loyal love Laz held for Keith to the familial love the rest of the Paladins felt for each other. Though, oddly enough, there was one Lance never professed love to... he wondered if Shiro had done something to Lance, or if the feelings were more complicated there than love.

”It does not bother me,” he finally said. “Does it bother you?”

”He just started saying it all of a sudden. It’s...” Keith broke off, going quiet for the rest of the walk back to the room. Thace didn’t know what to say as they walked, wishing he could see Keith’s face. It would be much easier to gauge his emotional state that way.

”If it bothers you,” Thace said as they reached their room, “perhaps you should talk to him about it. He may have a reason for it.”

”Maybe,” Keith muttered. “I just wanted to make sure you... were okay.”

Thace didn’t answer to that. No other time had a partner worried if he would be doing well. The last time he had seen a partner worry like this... it had been him worrying about Keith, and the broken nature he was still piecing together. And now... it felt as if he was being told he was a broken soldier.

Perhaps... that might be the worst part. He had been broken by what happened.

When he leaned down to kiss Keith, he noticed Keith didn’t meet him. He didn’t quite kiss back.

No, perhaps the worst part was the idea that Keith didn’t want him as a broken soldier, and was merely entertaining him. Thace pulled back, closing his eyes. “I suppose you will need to train,” he murmured.

”Yeah.”

He would be alone, unless Laz felt well enough to leave the room now. “Do well today.”

Keith didn’t say anything, and Thace entered the room. He heard Laz shift, standing. “Train?” she said hopefully.

”Yeah. You feel up to it?”

Thace sat down on the bed as he heard Laz walk over to Keith. “No. But train. Feel better.” There was silence for a moment, then- “Thace. Come?”

What could he do if he did? “Perhaps next time,” he told her.

Keith didn’t say anything, and he could hear him come closer. “You can always come work out,” he said quietly. “Take a run. We have weights. You don’t have to spar or something.”

But what would the point be? And he would be at risk of running into a wall if he ran. “Perhaps next time.”

There was silence, then Keith sighed. “Come on, Laz.”

Thace didn’t move until he heard the door close. When it shut, he sighed, laying down. He should do some sort of exercise. He had been quite fit before... all of this. There was no excuse for letting himself go. At the same time... he felt there was no point in any of it. It wasn’t as if he would be able to fight again. He could no longer be a soldier, after all. And Keith was, perhaps, quite right in treating him like a broken soldier.

Because as he laid there, listening to the castle around him, he felt himself tensing. His mind racing, twisting sounds to think he was dreaming of being in a new location, a good one, and that everything he had just experienced had been a trick of his mind...

That he was, in truth, back on the ship, awaiting torture and his eventual execution...

Thace set his jaw, trying to relax. He was no longer in enemy hands. He was with allies. Fresh torture did not await him. Each sound he heard was not the sound of boots coming for him.

He was among allies.

He would not be tortured any longer.

Thace took a deep breath, keeping those words in his head. He was among allies.

He was among allies.


	4. Chapter 4

Sometimes Keith didn’t sleep.

He wasn’t stupid. After what he had gone through with Zarkon, being abused like that and then forced back, returned to the abuse, he knew what he was going through. It was obvious. All he had to do was look over at Shiro and he saw all the similarities.

Keith sighed. It wasn’t as if he could ask Shiro what he did to help him sleep. Shiro didn’t sleep much either. But unlike Keith, he could do what he wanted. He could get up, move around, leave the room in peace. He didn’t have an Inni ready to wake at the slightest sound or a Galra reaching for him when he stirred.

If he could get up and leave, take a walk alone... he’d do it. He appreciated Laz’s presence, but it was... Keith turned his head, looking at her sleeping. She didn’t deserve being saddled with him. Everyone knew what he did to save his own life, but what would they say when they realized he did it again just to spare himself pain? Zarkon was going to keep him alive no matter what. It was just not going to hurt if he let himself be a pet.

Keith closed his eyes.

All he was good for was a pet.

No. He opened his eyes again. He couldn’t- think like that. That line of thought would just- bring about more bad things. He couldn’t think like that. Think about different things.

But he couldn’t. It was as if as soon as he thought it, he felt the weight of the collar against his throat. If he closed his eyes, he could remember where it laid hidden in the castle. He couldn’t get rid of it for some reason, holding on to it. All he would have to do is go there, slip it back on-

Keith shuddered. No. He wouldn’t do it. Before he realized it, he lifted his hand, resting it across the bare skin of his throat.

No.

Keith shoved himself out of bed, waking Laz. He knew she’d come with him. And he might even need it when he calmed down. But right now, he needed to _leave._ To walk. Do something. Keep his mind busy. Try not to remember the collar waiting for him, Zarkon waiting for him, the claws waiting to run through his hair, dig in and grip his hair to move his head how Zarkon wanted to-

He stumbled against the wall just outside the door to his room. Laz rushed up next to him, worried. “Keith?”

”I’m fine,” he rasped.

Laz sat down, shifting her weight around on all fours. “Not fine. Do this lot of nights.”

”I’m _fine_ ,” he stressed. “It’s like before. Bad dreams.”

”No dreams,” she countered. “Not sleeping.”

How did she know? He looked at her, frowning. “I’ve been sleeping.”

”Not sleeping,” she insisted. “Both of us.”

Oh. Keith bent down next to her, reaching out. “Laz. What’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “Almost lost you,” she whispered. “Keep thinking...” She shook her head again.

Keith stroked her ears, a rush of sadness filling him. He had done what he did to save Thace... and not thought about how it would affect the others. Not thought about how it would affect Laz. He was a terrible person. “I’m sorry,” he told her quietly.

Maybe he should just put the collar back on and be the ship’s pet. Let them dictate his actions. He sure shouldn’t be trusted with them. And he really was just enough to be a pet. It was what he kept going back to. He let himself be a pet, and he fell back into it so easily.

An almost sad sort of amusement filled him at the thought of being Thace’s pet. Thace had tried to teach him he was more than that, and yet he was truly good at being only that. He should be Thace’s pet; at least he could trust Thace would make good decisions for him. Decisions he couldn’t make himself.

Keith closed his eyes.

He was pathetic.

Laz licked his arm, her tongue wet and warm, and he opened his eyes to see her looking at him with worried eyes. She wormed her way closer to him, resting her head on top of his shoulder. Keith wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.

He was pathetic.

  


* * *

  


He needed to stop thinking about Zarkon when Thace touched him. Keith forced himself to relax as Thace reached out. He trusted Thace. Thace would not hurt him. Keith turned his head up into the kiss, forcing himself to believe it.

Thace had helped him. He wasn’t pushing Keith at all. He had never pushed Keith into anything. If Keith didn’t want this, he’d stop. And Keith wanted this. He wanted this so badly.

He wanted something good and pure. Something in his life that wouldn’t hurt him. Thace had never hurt him. Keith pushed himself into the kiss, hearing a surprised noise from Thace. He would do this. Now, this time, he’d do it. He’d let Thace push Zarkon’s touch out of him.

Carefully, Thace stroked down Keith’s face, feeling the curve of his jawline down the line of his throat to the ridges of his collarbone. Then, he pulled away, fingers gently making their way back up. He touched Keith’s face, mindful of his claws as his fingers ran across his lips, his nose.

”I always remember how beautiful you look,” he murmured. “Even if all other memory of sight fades, the memory of you remained even when I was captured.”

Keith closed his eyes as Thace’s fingers gently stroked over them. He was too good for him. He didn’t deserve Thace at all.

He didn’t deserve anyone on this ship.

Instead of answering, Keith surged forward, kissing Thace again. He tried to say with his body to erase Zarkon’s touch. Replace it with Thace’s. Make his body...

Slowly, Keith stopped kissing Thace, resting his forehead on his. That thought kept coming back. Make his body Thace’s. Not make his body his own. Give himself up to someone else. Someone he trusted. Make himself someone else’s pet.

What else was he good for? He hadn’t been able to save Thace. He had worried Laz to the point she couldn’t sleep anymore. All the others probably had some kind of issues regarding him now, thinking he wasn’t to be trusted with his own decisions. That he’d sacrifice himself again like that for something stupid.

He had told himself he’d be a pet again. And he had almost told Thace not to take his collar off anyway. Why not... put it back on and sit at Thace’s feet? Let Thace do what he wanted? He knew Thace would never hurt him.

Thace stroked Keith’s back. “Is this fine?” he rumbled, his voice worried.

”Yeah.” Keith closed his eyes.

And he leaned into Thace, letting him envelope Keith in his arms.

He was Thace’s.


	5. Chapter 5

Keith felt so soft under his fingers. Thace felt the delicate lines of his face, smiling as his fingers ran over the curve of his nose. He loved being reminded of Keith’s face. It felt _real_ , not just the phantasm of memory he had to hold on to. Thace kissed the tip of his nose, smiling at the pert upturn.

Slowly, he leaned back, taking Keith with him. He released him, silently encouraging Keith to take control. Gently, he stroked Keith’s face, smiling. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “Take your time.”

And Keith... hesitated.

Thace expected that. Keith was doing that a lot. Of course he would hesitate when it came to actually touching Thace back. He waited for a moment before Keith surged forward, meeting Thace’s lips with his own. The kiss was messy, forced. But Thace laid there, passive, letting Keith do as he would. After what happened, he wanted to let Keith lead. He didn’t want to push Keith into anything.

And eventually Keith stopped, pulling away. That was normal as well. Thace wished he could see Keith’s face. He wanted to know what Keith was thinking as he pulled away. Most likely about the memories about what had happened, but he just couldn’t help but think there was a possibility that he remembered about the pathetic Galra under him.

He wished he could see if it was panic or disgust on Keith’s face when he pulled away.

Thace let his hands drop down, feeling for Keith’s hips. Just to have an anchor point. To remind himself that Keith was truly in the room... they were alone for this intimate moment, he couldn’t anchor himself with Laz if Keith pulled away...

No, he had to believe Keith was still here, even if he pulled away. Everything was fine. He had to believe...

Hands pulled up his shirt, making him twitch. What was going on? He felt Keith’s hands on his chest running through his fur, and he sighed. It felt... good. Thace let Keith take off his shirt, leaning into the new kiss. Keith didn’t have to give him pity like this... but it was nice for him to do this. Thace felt fingers run through the fur on his torso, twitching as the fingers brushed across each set of nipples. Keith make a noise, running his fingers across each, making Thace squirm.

”Do you have nipples all the way down your stomach?” he heard, Keith’s voice quiet.

He tried to remember Keith’s body, the hairless nature of it, and if it had the same configuration. “Yes,” he finally said, reaching out, his fingers bumping into Keith’s shoulder. “That isn’t normal for humans, I assume.”

”No.” He felt Keith shifting, then leaning down.

The sudden tongue on top of one nipple made Thace gasp, gripping Keith’s shoulder hard. Keith was being... bold tonight. When Keith scraped his teeth over the nub, Thace groaned, rolling his hips. He didn’t expect anything else, but this felt so nice. As long as Keith wanted to do this...

Keith lifted his head, pressing a kiss to Thace’s jaw. His nails ran down Thace’s torso again, catching each nipple under the fur. Nng... he was being too bold. Thace reached down, taking Keith’s hands. “Keith.”

For a moment, Keith paused, panting. Then his fingers relaxed, his body going lax. Something wasn’t right. “I’m sorry.”

”Come here.” Thace pulled him closer, stroking his back as Keith rested his head on Thace’s chest. “What is wrong?”

”Nothing.” Keith’s voice was... off. Not petulant. Distant. Wrong. “Did I do something wrong, Thace?”

He wanted to run his hands through Keith’s hair, but he knew what that did to Keith. What memories that brought back. “No. I worry.”

Keith relaxed against him. “Can I at least suck you off?” he whispered. “Can I- can I do something for you?”

Thace felt a pulse of heat in his pants at the soft question. “You don’t have to,” he told him quietly. “Do only what you want to, Keith. Guide me where you want to be.”

Instead of answering, Keith tensed against him. Then, he relaxed, playing with Thace’s fur. What was going through Keith’s mind? Was he doing okay? But Thace stroked Keith’s back, letting him relax against him. As long as Keith was okay.

”Tell me what to do,” he heard Keith whisper.

Thace’s fingers slowed on his back. “Keith?”

”Tell me what to do. Tell me... to do something good to do.”

Fumbling, Thace managed to feel for Keith’s face. He stroked his face, feeling how Keith’s face was falling at the moment. “You’re doing good now.”

Keith didn’t answer to that, and Thace didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what it was that Keith wanted. He wasn’t... doing poorly. Keith was doing well. What did Keith want from him?

Was it... was it something that Thace could give to him?

That sobered him. Could Thace give him what Keith wanted? He wanted to give Keith everything he wanted, but... could he even try? No, of course he couldn’t. He couldn’t give Keith what he wanted. He wasn’t even able to fight next to him. There were nights he wasn’t even sure he was even safe.

No. He didn’t know what Keith wanted, and he didn’t know he could even give it to Keith if he knew. A broken soldier couldn’t give anything so wonderful to someone so important.

”You’re doing well,” he whispered, trying to tell him everything. Trying to tell him he wanted to give him what he wanted, for all his broken nature, trying to give it to him. “You’re doing so well.”

Keith gripped his fur tighter, and he knew Keith didn’t believe him.

But what could he do? He couldn’t give Keith want he wanted. He had started to lose himself before they came for him. A part of him wondered if, in fact, he had lost himself. If this was a phantasm he held against him, a memory of warmth...

No. It was true warmth. This was truly Keith. He was not dreaming. He was truly with the human that he trusted, and trusted him. Keith leaned up, kissing him, and Thace tilted into the kiss. This was Keith. He was safe. He was safe.

Thace growled, holding him closer. Keith was good and safe and here. He was alive. He was well.

It was... well.

Keith ended the kiss slowly, and curled up against him, fitting his head under Thace’s jaw. He felt Keith slowly relax, and he let out an internal sigh of relief. Hopefully that would mean he said the right thing. Did the right thing.

He would not doubt that he did not say the right thing. That Keith merely gave up.

But if Keith felt better...

That was all he could hope for.


	6. Chapter 6

He just... wanted to know his actions were the right ones.

Keith suppressed a sigh, looking down at his food goo. It was getting to the point he just didn’t trust any decision he made anymore. Was he going too fast for Thace? Did Thace even want him after everything that happened? He just wanted someone to take him and tell him what he was doing was right... Considering him making his own decisions turned him into a pet and got him captured, losing the Red Bayard? Got... Keith stood, taking his plate with him.

He had gotten Zornia killed with his decisions.

He had gotten the closest thing to a mother he had ever had killed because he had _decided_ to return to Zarkon for... a reason.

Keith dumped the plate, ignoring everyone else as he left. The clack of the claws told him that Laz came with him, as she always did. And that was another decision he had made... worrying her to the point she didn’t leave him alone. That she didn’t sleep.

He could give control to her. Laz wouldn’t hurt him. She’d do everything in her power to make sure he would remain safe.

No. That’s why he wouldn’t. She may have been a soldier at one point, but he also knew she lost her lover. Laz lost someone close to her. If he let her take control, she may not let him fight. And they were already at a massive disadvantage without the Black and Red Bayards. They had gotten lucky with their battles, not needing Voltron, but one day they would need to form Voltron.

Thace would understand if he had to fight.

Maybe if he actually got his collar. Sat at Thace’s feet. He’d understand and guide him. Tell him things to do that wouldn’t be fucking stupid and get people hurt and killed.

Keith stood outside the door to his and Thace’s room, staring at it. Laz came up beside him, sitting down. “Keith?” she asked, her voice worried.

”I fucked up.” He didn’t even realize he was speaking, or even his throat had closed up that badly, choking the words.

Laz bumped his hand. “Inside.”

Inside. Thace was... no, he was still eating. Keith had seen Thace still eating. But that would mean that he could join them at any time... Keith bent down, reaching out for Laz, trying to ignore how the brush of her fur almost felt like Zarkon’s heat against him. “I’ve been constantly fucking up,” he whispered into her fur. “I just want Thace to-”

There was no way he could finish that sentence. Not to her.

”Tell Thace?” Laz nuzzled him. “Always talk. Talk to Thace.”

It sounded so easy when said aloud. But it just wasn’t easy at all. He couldn’t tell Laz what it was he wanted Thace to do. She would want to take over, and he wouldn’t be the Red Paladin anymore. She’d keep him safe.

That didn’t sound like a bad idea...

But maybe she wouldn’t. She had fought the Galra... knew the importance of fighting...

He had worried her to the point of her not sleeping. She’d keep him save so she could sleep.

Keith hugged her closer. He’d have to do something to make sure she could sleep again.

The sound of someone walking made Keith jump slightly, and he pulled away from Laz to see Thace, hand skimming across the wall to keep himself grounded. Keith stood, noticing how Thace stopped at the sound. He couldn’t be sure, but... did he tense? “Hey,” he said softly, and noticed how Thace’s hand relaxed on the wall. Keith reached out, taking the hand. “It’s just Laz and me.”

”I had thought you would have gone to train,” Thace murmured, pulling Keith closer. “Or were you getting ready to go?”

Keith shook his head. “No.” He looked over at Laz, who nodded and got up.

”Train with Shiro,” she said. “See later.”

”Do well,” Thace told her. “Keith, are you sure you don’t wish to go with her?”

Keith suddenly realized what he could do. “Tell me I should.”

Thace reared back at that. “Keith?”

”I don’t- I don’t _trust_ myself to do the right thing anymore. Tell me to do this. Tell me to go train with Laz or to get on my knees and suck you off or-”

Thace covered Keith’s mouth with his hand, a stricken look on his face. “I would never do that to you,” he whispered. “Not after what happened to you. I would never remind you of the abuse you endured. What I want for you is to regain the autonomy you lost at Zarkon’s hands. To become what you were before.”

He didn’t understand. He didn’t- “My actions got people hurt. Killed. My own stupidity got people _killed_ , Thace,” Keith said as Thace lowered his hand. “I decided to go back to Zarkon and I got the closest thing to a mother to me killed and I- I did what I could to make sure you would live and I worried everyone here- I worried Laz so she couldn’t sleep-”

”Keith.” Thace carefully took his face between his hands. “Don’t. Trust in yourself. You don’t need to do this. I don’t need to take over your decisions. You can do this yourself.” He leaned in, missing his lips as he kissed him. “I trust you.”

Keith’s heart squeezed.

It wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

Maybe Thace was right. He needed to trust himself again. He was a Paladin of Voltron. That meant he would have to make decisions. Decisions Thace couldn’t make for him. He’d have to trust himself to make them.

Absently, Keith rested his hand on his throat as Thace took his hands away, almost feeling glad that Thace couldn’t see him do so. He could almost feel the weight of the collar there. The mark of being the pet he had let himself be.

The urge to go grab the collar right then and there almost overwhelmed him. But no, he... he needed to trust himself. He could do it. He didn’t need to go find the collar and put it on.

He just... felt like he would be more comfortable. He was a pet.

Keith closed his eyes.

He had to remind himself he was a Paladin. But somehow... he just couldn’t shake the fact he had given in. And that... he had given up being a Paladin before to be a pet.

Thace kissed him again. “What do you want to do, Keith?”

He wanted to be Thace’s pet.

”I’ll go train with Laz and Shiro.”

Thace kissed him again. “I’ll be here when you return.”

Keith nodded, knowing Thace couldn’t see him. He didn’t need to see him.

And he went to change to train with Laz and Shiro.


	7. Chapter 7

Keith’s words echoed in Thace’s head as he tried to sleep. What Keith wanted him to do... he couldn’t become that. He couldn’t become the monster that Keith wanted him to be.

Thace rolled over, reaching out for Keith. His hand met flesh, sliding up to the curve of a hip. Keith reached up to cover Thace’s hand with his own, squeezing. “You’re awake too?” Keith asked quietly.

”I am.”

He felt Keith roll over, presumably to look at him. Fingers ran over his face, avoiding his eyes. Avoiding the broken part of him. He felt Keith’s fingers pause, then cup his face as he leaned in, kissing him. Thace let him, trying to let Keith dictate what happened. They shouldn’t go too far; Laz was still in the room. But this was nice. He wanted to give Keith as much agency as possible.

Then he felt Keith hesitate, pull away. It could be because he remembered Laz’s presence. Thace hoped that was the reason, and no other. He hoped it wasn’t that Keith felt Thace was useless, and didn’t wish to continue with what he was doing.

Suddenly, he felt Keith’s hands on his hips, and he jerked as fingers dipped under the waistband. “Keith, wait-”

He paused.

Thace licked his lips. It has caused a hot spike of _need_ when he had done that. But- “We are not alone. Laz is still sleeping next to us. If we were to do this, we could wake-”

”She’s awake,” Keith told him. “She told me she doesn’t sleep anymore.” And he pulled down on Thace’s pants.

He could hear Laz scrambling to her feet, and Keith yelping in pain shortly after. “Stop,” she growled. “Why?”

”Because I want to do this, Laz,” Keith snarled back at her, and Thace felt his heart squeeze at the words. That wasn’t what he meant when he said- “I want to.”

”No.” Her voice was firm. “Not good.”

” _I don’t care!_ ”

Thace reached down, taking Keith’s hands and pulling them away. “We’re not doing this until you calm yourself,” he told him seriously. “What is wrong?”

Keith didn’t answer, his hands lax in Thace’s grip.

Laz growled.

”I’m trying to do what I want,” Keith whispered.

This wasn’t... Thace held Keith’s hands tighter. This wasn’t what he meant. “Keith.”

”Thace, I... I want to _forget_ about Zarkon’s touch. I want it to be made someone else’s. I want- I want something good.” Keith sighed, and Thace felt his twist his arms in his grasp. “I want you to make every touch Zarkon did to me and make it good again.”

He heard Laz sit down. Was this... partly why he had asked Thace to command him? To replace Zarkon’s commands with ones he trusted? But then he would have asked Shiro. His commander. There was no reason to ask Thace. Not one so broken as himself. Not one the same race as his abuser, who would remind him every time he ordered him around. “You shouldn’t force yourself to do things you are not ready for,” he said kindly.

”Not do things not thinking,” Laz chimed in.

”I’m not ever going to be ready,” Keith muttered.

Thace sighed, letting go of one wrist, carefully reaching out to touch Keith’s face. “You will,” he told him gently.

”I’m going to baby myself. Laz, you know what that’s like. You know what it’s like to baby yourself and be worse off for it.”

”Leg hurt,” she told him seriously. “Not mind.”

”You still didn’t fight on that leg until I came by. I can’t baby myself. I have to push myself into doing better. I have to be proactive and replace those touches.”

Thace didn’t answer that, only shifted his hands to stroke Keith’s face. What could he say? It was very close to asking Thace to continue Zarkon’s abuse. And he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t continue what would hurt him. But at the same time, he wanted Keith to be well. And he was not sure if it would help him to turn what used to be a bad thing into something that felt good.

Keith deflated against him. “I’m going for a walk,” he muttered, trying to tug his wrist out of Thace’s grasp.

”No.” Laz’s voice was certain. “Stay.” He heard Laz get up, and then a weight on the bed as Keith let out a sudden groan.

”Get off,” Keith gasped. “Heavy.”

”She may have the right idea,” Thace told him seriously. “You need to stay here.”

”I’m not-”

”Keith.” Thace sighed. “You shouldn’t run away from this.” He slid his hand down to Keith’s shoulder, wishing so hard he could see Keith’s face. He felt so... useless. No, he was useless. He didn’t know what to do to make him feel worth something. The only thing that came to mind... “I don’t wish to continue Zarkon’s abuse.”

”It’s not continuing his abuse!”

”Keith...”

”I want something good,” Keith growled.

Perhaps someone did need to take Keith in hand... if he was so intent on continuing what Zarkon started. “Keith...”

He heard Keith sigh. “It’s not like I’m going to just forget about Zarkon,” Keith whispered. “Can you just... touch me? Make me associate that kind of touch with someone I...”

Thace stroked his face. “Keith, I...”

”Please. I... I think I love you, and I’d rather remember you than him.”

He could feel Laz getting off the bed at those words as Thace froze. Why... why would he say such a thing? He... he couldn’t give Keith what he wanted... he...

Thace leaned in suddenly, kissing Keith. He didn’t want Keith to realize he had made a mistake saying that. He’d give Keith what he wanted. As long as... as long as he was... as long as he was happy, not... as long as he loved him, loved a broken soldier like him.

When he reached into Keith’s pants, he was hard against his palm. Thace hesitated, hearing Laz’s click of claws. “Laz, are you-”

”Not watching,” came her quiet voice. “Not leaving.”

He supposed it made sense. If he was right, Laz didn’t quite trust Keith not to run.

So Thace tried to ignore the Inni in the room as he pushed Keith’s pants down, stroking his cock gently. Carefully. He leaned in, giving him a kiss as Keith gasped against him. Thace tried to gauge Keith’s pleasure, if he was doing it right by sound and how Keith moved against him. Finally, he heard a hitched groan come from Keith, and felt a rush of wetness against his fingers.

The urge to press Keith against the bed and _claim_ him filled Thace.

But instead he pulled his hand away, kissing Keith’s forehead. “Laz, can you retrieve a washcloth?”

She made a disgruntled noise. “Trying not to see. Also trying to make Keith stay.”

”I’ll stay.” Keith’s voice was tired. “Thank you.”

Thace’s cock pulsed in his pants, and the need to claim him still burned inside him. Shaming him. He was... he was no better than Zarkon. Taking advantage of someone who loved him.

He heard Laz get up, and after a bit felt something drop on top of him. A washcloth, to clean his hand. “Never want here again,” Laz announced. “Never.”

”We’ll keep that in mind,” Thace murmured, cleaning his hand.

”We’ll ask you to leave next time.” Keith’s words were near inaudible.

Disgust filled Thace. He had done that. He shouldn’t have. And he wanted to do more.

He’d tell Shiro to take Keith in hand. And then... he should leave Keith. It would be better that way.


	8. Chapter 8

He wanted this.

He wanted this.

Keith parted his legs, trying to invite Thace between them. He had to keep telling himself that. He wanted this.

Thace hesitated, a hand on his thigh. No, he couldn’t do this again. After Thace had jerked him off, he wouldn’t do anything else. Had Keith gone too far the first time? Should he not told him... that he thought he loved him?

It couldn’t be the abuse thing anymore. Thace had to know he wasn’t anything like Zarkon. He would never be anything like Zarkon. No, it had to be Keith’s fault.

This was why he needed his fucking collar! It would keep him from doing stupid shit like that! If he was collared and told to stay quiet, he wouldn’t have gone too far. That was why... why he was nothing more than a pet. Why it was so easy for him to have originally fallen into being a pet, so easy for him to return.

Keith closed his eyes as Thace pulled back. He’d fucked up.

That was it. He couldn’t let it go any further. Starting today, he was going to start wearing his collar. If he was going to be a pet, he’d be Thace’s. That was what he had told himself he was going to be. And it would keep him from doing something stupid again. Thace would keep him safe.

He would just... need to be alone. He could get away from Thace easily. It would just... be Laz. Getting away from Laz. She stayed close to him.

Thace pulled him into an embrace, and Keith sighed. At least this felt good. Thace would accept him. Keith slid his fingers under Thace’s shirt, feeling the fur under his fingers. Absently, he lifted his chin to kiss Thace’s chest, and Thace tensed. He was going too far again. But he just...

He wanted this.

He _wanted this._

Keith suddenly pushed Thace back, seeing the shocked look cross his face. Without letting him say anything, Keith threw a leg over him, straddling his hips. He watched Thace arch his back slightly as he ground his hips down, feeling a slight hardness against him. A part of him wanted to stop, to say no, but he wouldn’t let it. This was Thace, not Zarkon. He wanted this.

He was going to prove to Thace he was worth being his pet.

No, he shouldn’t. If he went too far, Thace wouldn’t want him. He wouldn’t want him at all.

Keith stopped, frustrated. This was why he couldn’t trust his own decisions anymore. Though, could he ever trust them? He had been driven by instinct. Instinct wasn’t something that anyone should be driven by. Instinct got people _killed._ And not just the people driven by it.

Thace patted for his face, gently stroking his skin. “Keith. Talk to me.”

... he didn’t know what he wanted.

Keith grabbed Thace’s hand, pulling it to his lips. “I keep fucking up,” he whispered against Thace’s fur. Thace reached up to hug him, and Keith resisted. He didn’t... he didn’t deserve it. “I keep fucking up around you.”

Keith could see sadness cross Thace’s face. “Why do you think that?”

”You keep pulling away after I said-” Keith broke off, shaking his head. “I went too far.” He sighed, letting go of Thace’s hand. “I don’t know how to do this right, Thace. I just... keep thinking I should be a pet. I told myself I was, and it’s a safe place to be-”

Thace slapped a hand over his mouth, and Keith’s eyes went wide as he heard Thace almost growl. “Stop it.” He could feel Thace’s hand shake against his mouth. “You thought that only because it was a safe place to be while being in Zarkon’s care. You are no longer there. You are in a safe place. It is... there is no reason to become a pet.” An unreadable look crossed his face. “No reason at all.”

Thace didn’t want him.

If he was honest with himself, he saw that coming.

”Yeah,” Keith whispered against Thace’s fingers.

Slowly, Keith stood. Thace let him.

Laz was waiting outside the door. She was going to walk with him if he left. But he couldn’t stay here.

He couldn’t- he didn’t-

He could make it so it wasn’t a problem anymore. That he didn’t have to think about being a pet anymore.

No. He didn’t even know what that thought was about, other than _no_.

Thace slowly stood, reaching out for him. Keith stood there woodenly, letting Thace grope for him before his fingers finally found him. He stood there as Thace ran his fingers across Keith’s hips, watching emotions fly over his face, not understanding any of them.

But Thace closed his eyes. He didn’t do that often. Not since it didn’t make much of a difference.

”As long as Zarkon is still in power, I can’t do this,” he finally whispered. “I cannot perform an act on you that would remind you of someone you would have to go fight. I would not wish to have that memory so close, so fresh, when you would be close to healing from it otherwise.”

”But if Zarkon was dead, you’d do it?” Keith whispered back.

”Perhaps... Keith, you are... very precious to me. I cannot even remember when I started to care so deeply for you, when our relationship turned from me tutoring you to fight again to caring in such a way. I have been asked if I love you, and I- I feel perhaps the answer is the same as yours. And I feel that is why I cannot do this to you. I cannot become Zarkon.”

The utter loathing in Thace’s voice made Keith swallow. “Zarkon doesn’t love me,” he told him. “You do.”

”I wish to claim you,” Thace whispered, almost inaudible. “I do not wish to make love to you, Keith. It’s not a wish of a lover. It’s a possessive wish. I cannot become that to you.” He shook his head. “I cannot do it.”

The words made Keith both yearn and nauseous. Instead of answering, he fell silent, reaching down to stroke one of Thace’s hands.

Thace slowly let him go.

Keith suddenly rushed forward, kissing him. He dug his fingers into Thace’s fur as he kissed him hard, deep. “Then claim me,” he murmured against his lips between kisses. “Take me away from Zarkon. I don’t want to be Zarkon’s anymore.”

Thace groaned. “I can’t-”

”I’ll be myself again. Just make me not Zarkon’s first.”

He hoped he was telling the truth.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I just got Nier Automata and spent most of today playing it and that's why this is late oh my GOD it is good please play Nier Automata.

No. He should not have done that.

Thace ran a hand across Keith’s sweaty side, feeling his breathing even out as he fell asleep. Certainly, it felt like it had taken far longer than it should have for the two of them to finally make love, but it hadn’t taken long enough. Not for the trauma that Keith had endured.

But at the same time, Thace could remember how wonderfully Keith rode him, gasping as his hips rolled slowly. He hadn’t wanted him to go any faster than Keith was comfortable, despite the animalistic urge to tip him onto the bed and rut into him until he wailed. The heat surrounding him and Keith’s lovely moans had nearly broken him, but he held back. Climax had taken him as Keith shuddered on top of him. After Thace had gotten up, managing to find a cloth to clean the both of them, Keith had curled up next to him, falling asleep.

And Thace should not have done a single part of that.

He knew Keith was in a vulnerable position. Taking advantage of that... he shouldn’t have done that. Despite... despite Keith correctly prying out of him that he loved him back.If he truly loved Keith, he would not have done such a thing to him. He would have said no.

And if he were to leave now, it would hurt Keith even more. He had heard that Thace loved him. How would he react if someone he loved decided he must leave him? Why had Thace been so thoughtless? He knew better than this. And yet... he had fallen in love. And for some reason, a beautiful strong Paladin loved a broken soldier back.

Thace stroked his face. When was it he had fallen in love? He had never expected this. When he had first met Keith, he had wanted to help him regain the strength he had lost being Zarkon’s pet. The sexual attraction had come during that time, but he hadn’t paid it any mind.

Perhaps it was when he chanced getting caught to warn Keith to run...

Whenever it was, he had fallen for this human. And now he wasn’t sure what he would do... being in love was not a strong suit of his.

One thing did come to mind. This was enough. He had to ask for help. He would not be able to manage this on his own any longer. Thace had tried, had hoped his words could pull Keith to a more stable state, but it was only obvious now that would not happen. He would need to call upon Shiro. Perhaps with Shiro’s help, he would be able to calm Keith down. Make him realize what he was worth, that this behavior was not needed.

Thace leaned forward, kissing Keith’s forehead. Perhaps he should let Laz know it was safe to return to the room. They were done making love, and she would not have to deal with that. But the room still held the heavy musk of sex, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to subject her to that scent. He felt terrible having her sit outside all night, though...

With that thought, he kissed Keith’s forehead one last time and got out of bed, pulling on a pair of pants and going to the door. When it opened, he stuck his head outside and whispered, “Laz?”

Nothing. Not even the sound of her raising her head. Had she left? Was she in someone else’s room? Or perhaps had she taken a walk? Or was she actually asleep?

”Laz?” he tried again, just in case she was asleep.

She did not answer. Not there, then.

Thace let the door close, thinking. Perhaps she went to Shiro’s room? She had talked with Shiro a bit. With hope, she was also speaking with him about Keith’s actions and Thace would only be echoing her concerns.

With that thought, Thace went back to bed, pulling Keith into his arms.

Sleep did not come easy.

  


* * *

  


”Laz.”

Thace heard her claws halt, then come closer to him. “Need to go with Keith,” she told him, her voice low and urgent. “Go planet. Stay with him.”

”I’m aware the Paladins are going planetside,” he whispered to her. “However, you and I have seen Keith’s actions recently.”

”Yes?” The word was slow, curious.

”I will be asking Shiro to stay behind to speak with him. I ask we leave Keith to one of his fellow Paladin’s care, and speak with Shiro about Keith’s behavior. We need to put a stop to this.”

”Yes.” She said the word with enthusiasm this time. “Bad. Need to be good. But-” Laz broke off, and he could imagine her looking over at Keith.

”I’m quite aware.” Thace sighed. “But we also need to speak with someone who Keith will listen to that is... not quite as close as we are.”

He heard her sit down and sigh. “Which Paladin?”

”I believe we should allow Shiro to make that determination.” Thace smiled without humor. “I have a suggestion, but he knows them better than I. He would know if Lance is truly a good person to watch over Keith, or if there would be a better Paladin to watch him.”

”Hm.” Laz went silent for a moment. “Speak with Shiro,” she finally decided.

Thace rested his hand on her back as she stood, orienting himself. Laz took slow steps, leading him down halls to meet with Shiro. He was most likely getting ready himself, but from what Thace knew about this planet, it was fairly peaceful. They shouldn’t need all of them. The two of them walked until Laz stopped, sitting down. “Hello, Shiro,” Thace said, his hand still on Laz’s back.

For a moment, there was no response, and Thace was afraid that he had spoken to the wrong Paladin. Then, with some humor, he heard Shiro say, “I see you were looking for me.”

”Looking for you,” Laz confirmed. ‘Need to talk.”

”I’ll have some time once we come back-”

Thace shook his head. “Shiro, I feel it is best we talk now. Are the three of us alone?”

”Alone, but we’re in an open area. What’s wrong?”

Laz stood, and moved away slightly. “Go to closed spot.”

”I agree with Laz,” Thace said seriously. “We should speak in a slightly more secluded spot.”

Shiro didn’t answer for a moment. “What is this about?”

”Keith.”

He didn’t answer again for a moment, then Shiro sighed. “The planet is peaceful, so the others should be fine on their own. I have no reason to keep Keith behind. I can tell them to go ahead. What is it that you wanted to talk about?”

”Less open,” Laz insisted.

”Of course.”

  


* * *

  


Thace heard Shiro let out a long breath. “I see. I knew he was suffering flashbacks, but I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

”I had hoped I would be able to help him from feeling as such,” Thace said, rubbing Laz’s ears absently, “but it appears I had failed.”

”I don’t think any of us saw it coming.” Shiro broke off for a moment. “We should have. He was forced to go back to Zarkon. I should have seen it coming.” Laz moved away from Thace, and after a moment Shiro laughed. “Thanks, Laz.”

”As it is, we need to do something about it.” Thace reached out for Laz, his heart picking up slightly as he realized he only had Shiro’s voice to ground him. Voices could be a trick of the mind- but her fur brushed his fingertips and he relaxed slightly.

Shiro didn’t speak for a bit, then- “And you? You’re pretty tense too, Thace. Everything okay with you?”

”Hm?” Why would he ask that?

”I noticed you tensed up until you touched Laz again.”

Ah. He should have known Shiro would notice. “It is nothing.” A weakness that would cause his death.

”You wouldn’t be the only one suffering from a form of PTSD, Thace. Keith has it too, and so do I. We’ve all gone through different forms of trauma and been affected by it.”

”For a Galra, it’s weakness.” Laz’s sudden bite to his hand made him jerk, hiss. “Laz!”

”Stop.” Her voice was serious. “Sound like Keith. Say bad things.”

The words sobered him. Did he really sound like Keith when he spoke like that? He didn’t speak as if he was spiraling out of control... “Laz-”

”Thace. Talk to us,” Shiro said quietly. “Don’t hide behind those words. Don’t do what Keith did and run until you break.”

Don’t run.

Galra didn’t run.

Thace swallowed.

”It’s not as easy as you may think. If I had been rescued by Galra, I would have been killed, most likely for my blindness. If they had learned I must anchor myself, else I cannot tell if where I am is a dream, and I have truly been-” Thace felt Laz push her head under his hand. “I had started to dream of Keith’s presence back in that cell, and the dream had bled into the waking world before he rescued me. Either of those alone would be enough to qualify me as a broken soldier, and earn me a swift death.”

”Thace...” Shiro broke off, and Laz stood suddenly. “Lance, say that again.”

What was going on? “Shiro?”

A horrible moment of silence before...

”We can’t find Keith.”


	10. Chapter 10

”Why do we have to go in armor again?” Lance whined, putting his helmet on. “What if we run into some hot alien babes?”

Keith gave him an exasperated look, echoed by Pidge. Him denying his crush on Shiro was starting to really grate on their nerves. “Because of what happened the last time we went to a space mall,” Pidge said, putting her own helmet on. “We need to be armed in case someone tries to kidnap one of us again.” The last was pointed directly at Keith.

Which was fair. They had taken more precautions this time, opening up communications with the planet to ensure everyone was still alive down there. There might have been some Galra, but from what they could tell it had been a while since any Galra had been there. Still, they had to have some sort of weapons and communication, and their Paladin uniforms had both.

Keith fell quiet as they entered the pod to go planetside, his mind going back to the previous night. It had... been good. He had forgotten that sex could feel good. And it had been with someone that he actually cared about which was... good. Keith shook his head slightly. Of course it was. He loved Thace. For once in a long time, he had sex with someone he cared about.

So why did it feel wrong? Why did it feel like he had chosen the wrong time to do that?

He couldn’t answer that question.

Just... he couldn’t get what Thace said out of his head. If Zarkon was dead... they just needed to beat Zarkon. To finish this fight. If they could defeat Zarkon, then Thace wouldn’t hold back anymore. And Keith...

He wouldn’t have to worry about Zarkon.

Keith sighed as they reached the planet. He looked up, seeing Lance. “What?” he asked, tired.

”Let’s go.” Lance grinned at him. “Gonna need to have an extra pair of hands for what I need to get, and yours look like the pair I need.”

Keith rolled his eyes. Why hadn’t Shiro come with them? He could have been Lance’s extra pair of hands. And maybe even talked to him about that dumb crush.

In fact... Laz didn’t come either. She stayed with Thace. It shouldn’t have surprised him; Thace needed Laz too. He needed someone to help guide him through the halls. And as soon as he thought that, Keith felt ashamed. Thace had managed to do that all by himself, without Laz or Keith. No, it was the companionship he needed. Keith was going to be away for a bit. Thace would need someone there by his side to talk to. And Laz would be there for him.

Keith followed Lance, lost in his thoughts. He hadn’t thought about Laz and Thace’s relationship enough... or that Thace might need companionship outside Keith. He needed to connect with the group. Closing himself off like that wouldn’t help Thace at all. Maybe when he got back, he would try to have Thace in with more conversations. Maybe find a way that Thace could work out with them. He had asked before, but maybe he could push for it a little more.

Just... have Thace connect a little more.

Something moved wrong out of the corner of Keith’s eye, and he frowned. What did he just see? He shifted, opening his mouth to call out to Lance-

When he was grabbed, his helmet yanked off. A cool, dry, scaly hand wrapped out his mouthy before he could cry out, and a hand dug into his hair, yanking-

Zarkon’s hand in his hair, pulling it back- stroking his head- the weight in his mouth as he forced Keith’s head down-

When Keith’s head cleared, he had been dragged away from the crowd. He was being picked up as his captors jumped over rubble. Something had been wrapped around his head, covering his mouth, while he was in his flashback, and his wrists were bound as well. Didn’t stop him from swearing at the one holding him, even if it didn’t sound like anything.

It made him feel better, damn it.

Finally, they entered a building, heading for a room. When they entered, the one holding him set him down in a chair, ripping his gag off. Keith whipped his head around, seeing the too thin green alien standing there and opening his mouth to yell at it.

”Thank you. Your money will be transferred to you shortly.”

Keith’s eyes widened as he turned his head towards the voice. There, against a window, stood a Galra. He appeared to be of Commander rank, or higher. His skin was Galra purple, and he was... striking. He had a beautiful nose and lips, but his jawline and set to his yellow eyes looked a little too familiar. Like he had seen it often. But what hit Keith was he didn’t have fur on his purple skin, but long white hair with delicately pointed ears resting in them. In all, he looked... odd. Beautiful, but hard. Cold.

He put Keith on edge, immediately.

”I apologize for the rough handling,” the Galra said as his kidnapper left the room. “When I had heard you were on this planet, I had need to speak with you, Red Paladin.”

”And what reason would that be?” Keith spat.

”Any Galra knows who you are, Red Paladin. And any Galra knows who you are in relation to the Emperor. I have a proposal in regards to your relation to the Emperor.”

Keith’s blood ran cold. He couldn’t be... talking about...

The Galra smiled, making Keith shiver. No Galra should smile like that. “You have reason to kill the Emperor, do you not? Friends... family... loved ones? Ones to protect? What if I told you I have the means to help you with this endeavor?”

”What?”

He gestured, still smiling. “I am offering you assistance in removing Zarkon from your life. Forever.”

Help. In killing Zarkon. “How?” Keith asked, slowly. “And why? Why would you want to do this?”

”You think this a trap. Not a bad assessment.” The Galra took a step forward, making Keith sit up straighter in the chair. “Many of the Galra under his rule wish him gone. You’ve perhaps met a few already?”

Thace. And the one that led him to Thace’s cell. Keith kept his face blank, but he saw the smile change on the Galra’s lips.

”So you have. I follow in that line of thought, in that Zarkon should no longer be allowed to rule.” Keith tensed as the Galra reached out, claws stroking along his jaw. “I’ve seen various attempts on his life fail, and I’ve come to the conclusion that none are close enough to him for him to lower his guard. And if he were to lower his guard, it may be possible to take him by surprise and kill him then. As his pet... well... you would have the best chance.” The Galra pulled his hand away, taking a step back. “I propose for one of my men to hand you back to the Emperor with the full intent that you would assassinate the Emperor with the help of a Druid I’ve employed.”

”And what would you get out of this?” Keith asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

The Galra’s smile changed, making Keith shiver at the cruelty. “Political reasons. Now... what is your answer?”

His first instinct was to shout ‘hell no!’ But at the same time... he was right. He would be in the perfect spot to assassinate Zarkon. And he would have help. People sympathetic to him, helping him. It might... help him not fall into the mindset he needed to be Zarkon’s pet. If he was going to be a pet, it would... it would be Thace’s.

And... Thace had said if Zarkon was dead...

”I need time to think about this,” Keith told him, looking up at him.

The Galra shook his head. “I cannot give you that time. If you were to leave, the Emperor’s spies may see you, and may put together where you have been, and what has transpired here. And not only would you be in more danger now if you were caught for conspiring to kill him, you may never have the chance to do something like this again. He would be waiting for it. I will need your answer immediately.”

Keith closed his eyes.

If he did this, he would be able to be with Thace.

”I’ll do it,” he said, opening his eyes.

The Galra nodded. “Then goodnight.”

Keith opened his mouth to ask what that meant when he felt a prick at his neck-

And everything went dark.

  


* * *

  


When he woke, he was on a pillow.

And Zarkon was stroking his cheek, smiling down at him.

”Good morning, pet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bwahahah.
> 
> So yeah. The end. What happens to Keith, and how this impacts everyone else will be... two other stories.
> 
> Thank you all so much! I am always blown away with how much support I've gotten.


End file.
